Faith on Wheels

“Do you have faith, my children?”

A few scattered “Amen”s came from the pews.

He said, again, but raising his hands and then his voice to a tenor’s A-flat on the last word, “I said, do you have faith?”

More response this time as the morning sun bathed the room in an array of colours from the stained glass windows.  The white walls sparkled with golden frames of different pictures of Biblical stories.

“To teach our children the ways of the Lord, we must all have faith! We must all be as children and accept what the Lord has in store for us!” He scratched his light brown beard. He wondered if any of the woman-folk realized his beard…and hair, for that matter, was dyed.

Mary-Jane Spalding had spent two hours helping him dye it Friday night. A wonderful evening of hair dying, red wine, and screams of ecstasy. Now, blonde Mary-Jane sat in the front pew, her twin ten-year old boys between her and her gargantuan husband, Tim who, the reverend thought, looked like an albino with his blonde-white hair and blue eyes.

Unfortunately claims of albino were, in this day and age, not a reason for sacrifice by fire.

Mary-Jane’s white dress was not as tight on her chest as the reverend liked…and he would mention it to her later. Perhaps a repeat of Friday when he asked her to reach for something he dropped before strategically positioning himself behind her.

He winked at the Spaldings and his drawl sharpened as he continued, “I, Reverend Dwayne, get on my knees every night and I ask my father to help me find, not only the path he has laid out for me, but the one he wants me to lay for my children..”

In the next pew back sat the Parkers. Henry was 60, about ten years older than Reverend Dwayne. Beside him sat his 40 year old wife, Gertrude in her red dress that was much too tight for the reverend’s liking…but he would not say such to her. Dwayne imagined Gertrude had probably not seen her feet in a very long time. To Gertrude’s right sat their two teenage boys…Trey, who was in his first year of college and Bradley in his last year of high school. Then there were the daughters. Raven-haired Melody, 23 and auburn-haired Alexandra, 25.

The joint blow job they had given him on Thursday night, as penance for their confessions…well, it was what legends were made of. Then Reverend Dwayne had done the only thing he could to repay them for such an offering, and ate both pussies as the girls giggled side-by-side on the couch in their sinfully slim nubile bodies. Both girls had confessed to pre-marital sex with boyfriends. Dwayne wondered who they would confess to now after such a glorious night.

Dwayne smiled at the Parkers. “We must accept that God has a path for us and we will find out the direction when the time is right. We must avail…” again his voice went into a singing not, “ourselves so we are ready when the Lord calls us!”

More agreement, louder and more enthusiastic.

Dwayne’s green eyes drifted across the middle aisle to his wife, Gina. His mind drifted, just for a moment to the last time they had made love in his wheel chair with her getting in and riding as they came together. Her long graying-blonde curls tickling his bare balls as they literally woke the neighbors. The bigger problem, of course, was how the wheel of the chair had scratched the wall being too close.

One of the camera-men moved behind Gina, bringing Dwayne back to reality.

“Go forth this week, my children, and continue our war for the Lord. Our war to bring the truth of Jesus Christ to all those who have been misinformed. We must bring the Pagans, the Jews, the Islamics, the Buddhists and all the other false faiths back to Christ! And we must stop the rise of atheism at every turn so all of our brothers and sisters can know the truth of the Lord!”

The choir began a rousing final hymn that included electric guitars and a quick drum solo while Reverend Dwayne wheeled down the ramp from the altar and up the aisle shaking hands all along the way. As was his expertise, the door of his van was shut just as the song ended, and his driver pulled away from the curb before any parishioners could see him.

Janice, Dwayne’s PR manager sat on the bench across the van from him. “We did well today, reverend.”

“I had that feeling. I had faith that we would come through.” He released the buckle on his wheelchair seat belt and stood from the chair, hunched over in the van. “Was a good crowd.”

Janice nodded and brushed a brunette bang from her blue eyes.

Dwayne stepped to the driver window and opened it. “Larry?”

“Yes, reverend?”

“Take the long way home.”

“Yes, sir.”

Dwayne dropped his weight down beside Janice and slipped his hand around her shoulders. “I hate that fucking chair.”

“I’m sure we could get you a more comfortable one.”

“No, wouldn’t be as well thought of if I rode in on a fucking Harley.  How many do you think watched?”

Janice’s eyebrows raised with her joyous smile. “I bet we got a million.” Her hand tugged his fly down.

“No, we don’t bet. That would be sinful.”

Her hand pulled back the waistband of his underwear and his erection popped to attention. “Penance?” she asked with the smile shrinking to a sly grin.

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” he answered.

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