Sleeping Alone…


Those random erections are a real bitch. Yes, a guy can deal with them on his own, but one does tire of this. There are only so many tissues in the world and someone to swallow saves trees.

That’s one theory, anyway.

Truth is, this is Canada and it is getting cold. In most countries spring brings about thoughts of romance and growing young love…in Canada, once the dining room table has been chopped up for kindling, the mind turns to the fact that one has no one to snuggle with tonight.

There is the old cliche joke: “You really thought all I wanted to do was snuggle?” In this country, however, once one has survived nights at forty below (and at that temp, it makes no difference when talking Imperial or Metric), snuggling is an option. The fact that while snuggling an erection may accidentally slip inside for added warmth…well…

The northern states south of Canada’s borders understand…or north if speaking of Cheeseheads of Wisconsin or the silly people that choose to live in Alaska.

Really, the Americans should trade Canada…Alaska for Toronto would be a fair deal, no? Canada gets more oil and seal blubber in exchange for the Americans getting a population of two million that the rest of Canada resents.

Now, there is something Canadians are experts at…the threesome. And this particular writer has been too long since his last experience in such. This, of course, is where one is much too cold and drinks three large beer steins very fast in the hopes of feeling warm and passing out. The orgy, of course, is rare as there simply are not enough domesticated polar bears to go around.

Threesomes are, all joking aside (as if), are something most do not know how to take. Regardless of gender, the single one is usually fine with it. Those saying that they can only focus on one man/woman…this actually translates to “I’ve never been offered a threesome and rather than admit disappointment, I’ll just say I don’t like it.” The two of a threesome that share a gender have other issues.

Most guys seeing two women make out think it is hot…until he realizes that they are lesbian and he has been completely left out of the threesome as they are too into each other to bother with him.

Two men, in a threesome, have the issue of “gay” dangling over them in case something happens that crosses “that” line. Serious, unless one male is sodomizing the other, nothing “gay” is happening. Even if sodomizing does happen, one homosexual act does not make a guy gay…being attracted to other men and doing such acts often does.

It is something of a funny line when bisexual women are hot and bisexual men are questioned…generally. Bible thumpers will question either and then go off with their mistress, pastor and three small sheep for that orgy in the back room…but they will question anyone on being bisexual as being sinful.

Those doing the questioning are the ones that should be judged, regardless. Odds are that they are only watching what happens in the neighbor’s bedrooms because nothing is happening in their own.

Then again, those in a kink lifestyle will never be questioned as they do not limit themselves to sex in the bedroom…much harder to find when one has sex in random places such as public lavatories, back seat of cars, street corners, or church pews.

So long as all are on the same page, all are consenting adults, and all enjoy themselves…the Bible thumpers should mind their own fucking business and look into why they need an imaginary friend in the sky in the first place.

This writer, however, will have a threesome again…imagine the warmth that will bring.


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