Just Wants Sex

After four months on a dating site, there are some rather intriguing conclusions that come from it. First, this is not limited simply to the dating site linked…that is simply the site my profile resides on and having looked at others, even the pay sites, they are no different. Each of these, for a small percentage to think this way, would make sense…but the ridiculous amount of people listing these things does leave one wondering:

  • I love my job – seriously? The fact that more than fifty per cent say this…in fact many say they are passionate about their job and that leads to one of two possibilities. First, they are lying and trying to impress people they have yet to meet. Second, perhaps this love for the job is why they are still single. Take me…I like my job, but it does not define me. My job is a means to be able to keep my kids and myself happy, clothed and fed. A lottery win would send me out of there quickly…likely finding more hobbies that would cause more passion and such.
  • I love having fun – this suggests there are people that do not like having fun and that thought frightens me.
  • I love the beach – depending on the geography of where people are, this would make sense…BUT NOT IN TORONTO!!! Perhaps list this as a travel destination in wanting to see and tan on the beaches of Waikiki or Athens or Lisbon or San Diego.  Between skin cancer, polluted water and the cold Canadian temps for six months of the year, this seems beyond unrealistic to be seen as anything more than “somewhere I would like to go sometime”.
  • Yoga, the gym, working out – again, when one considers that the average North American is over weight, is it any wonder how all these gym rat weirdos are all still single? They spend all of their time in the selfish angle of staying fit. Get something straight, fit and healthy are both in the same realm, but not necessarily the same thing. In fact, healthy is more state of mind than fit is…fit is purely narcissism. Again, my example is that there was a time that three to six gym visits a week was on my docket…but that was not an interest, hobby nor lifestyle. Similar to the job mentioned above, it was more part of the journey to a greater goal.
  • Foreign languages – like what, sarcasm and Klingon?
  • Cottaging, cottage life, going to the cottage – how the fuck do you afford this?  All these single people somehow can afford a second home in “cottage country”…probably where that beach interest mentioned earlier comes from.
  • I live life to the fullest – channeling George Carlin on this point, but what does this even mean? Does it mean one eats a lot? Perhaps one partakes in orgies. Maybe it means one has a big head and needs ego boosting to help inflate it daily.
  • I hate liars – does anyone else see the irony in such a statement? Would a liar announce themselves? As a joke, in a couple of intro emails, my line started with “I am a liar, but only in my writing…” With the fiction in my work, this seemed a cute line. Oddly enough, humour does not translate well.  Perhaps, however, the bigger question here is the suggestion that there are people who love liars.
  • I am family oriented – well, good for you.  Considering how the nuclear family has been blown up, shot, hung drawn and quartered…what the fuck does this mean?  To a lesser, but more common extent, this works for anyone stating “I like to spend time with family and friends”…I should hope so, as this makes one sound much more friendly than stating “I’m a loner.” “Family” is such a vague term in modern society that this makes no sense.  More than anything, this term suggests that they are looking down upon those people who do not get along with the families that they were born into.
  • I like to laugh – this is an interest, is it? As mentioned about liars, online humour rarely translates well…especially when one is on a dating site. My own profile is on its fifth rewrite and this time the humour is gone from it as it simply does not work. Apparently actually trying to make someone laugh with one’s dating profile is seen more as “weird” than funny. Sixth rewrite will be done shortly and, fuck it…it will be funny as hell because serious is no fun at all…in fact that rewrite will be posted before this blog entry.
  • Reading, movies, television – seeing these listed always brings a smile. Wonderful that two people can share an interest in film…but what if one only likes foreign language epics and the other Shirley McLain vehicles? Imagine the arguments when one of this couple declares their love for “Gone With the Wind” and the other for “Debbie Does Dallas”. This, obviously, translates to books and the tube as well…these are such vague statements that are nothing more than filler because someone does not know what to write.
  • I like to travel – Where?  To the store down the street?  To the cottage? Another vague one in that travel is all about perspective.  In a country such as Canada, one can travel extensively without actually exiting the Canadian borders.  Travel could be car trips, boat trips, cruise ships, million dollar trips with the Russian Space Agency…could be many things.  This is simply another space filler.
  • God – this word is listed under “interest” on a few and always causes laughter. Suggests that the person writing it does not understand the ramifications of the belief system they claim to be part of…never mind the delusions and lies causing it. This combined with the “I hate liars” point, above, leads to belly laughs from my inner atheist.
  • No married men – again, remember the point about hating liars above. This works for married women as well. If a person in a monogamous relationship wants to lie and screw around on their spouse…odds are good they will lie to the partner they are screwing around with, as well. Not certain that mainstream dating sites are the best way to pursue other interests in an open or poly relationship, but these people are being more honest than most by admitting it upfront. Also, add this to the “God” interest above and the fact that his alleged child was born to a virgin that was engaged to another man…after suspending belief on the fiction part there is the foul stench of hypocrite that follows.
  • Wine tasting – these people always seem to have a photo of themselves with a big glass of Merlot in hand. Nothing wrong with wine tasting…but personally, wine gulping works better.
  • Not interested in sex – really? Imagine how many of those gym visits could be avoided if cardio were achieved from sex instead of a stationary bike. Also, one is not living life “to the fullest” if one does not have some interest in sex…one of the most pleasurable and fulfilling activities the human body can enjoy. This is likely a mis-wording…well, hopefully. Who, in their right mind, is not interested in sex. “Not ONLY interested in sex” works better. Of course these people want sex, but just not the “booty call” only crowd. Even the occasional booty call is good so long as there is more there beyond the fucking, sucking, and orgasm.

So yes, after only a week, it seems my hiatus is over.  As such, this blog site is about to go under a severe re-design next week…I’m off Thursday and Friday for football and whatever gift shopping I need to do for my kids…thus I will have it finished next weekend and will hopefully get back to my usual daily posts by then.


  1. I don’t know whether I want to laugh or groan. Being single sucks as much as being with someone. You’re either looking around you at what’s available in your price range and thinking “ugh” or you’re looking at your spouse and thinking “ugh.”

    Marketing ourselves seems to be something everyone’s looking at lately. Kitty Thomas did a blog post on the limitations she has to put on herself because she doesn’t want to alienate her readers. Everyone on the dating websites has a brand they’re trying to create, yourself included. You brand yourself in response to your target market and then you “be” that person. The goal for Kitty and for singles is to attract the right kind of interest.

    I wish I had time to write up a blog post on what would be said if we were completely honest on the singles websites. “I just want to get fucked without a bunch of drama.” “I just want to cuddle without having sex.” “I just want someone to pay for my meals and take me to the theater.” “I want a wife to cook and clean up after me but don’t want to do the work to court her.”

    We are what we are, I guess. The good thing is that with all our pretense and expectations we make each other better because we’re trying to live up to each other’s spin.

    I’m glad you’re still with us and I like your new look and, as always, enjoyed your post. 🙂


    1. Honesty is rare in advertising, too true.

      And your Kitty Thomas reference reminds me of why pseudonyms were used by heavyweights such as Stephen King (Richard Bachman) and Anne Rice (Anne Rampling) in order not to scare off readers expecting a certain style.

      My landlords saw the light and got Wifi that I can play with so back much sooner than I expected (I figured New Years). This is not the new look for my site, though…not yet. One limitation I find with WordPress is that I had to start a second blog just to play with themes so I can actually see how it looks without fucking around too much with this one.

  2. I agree with Kazi, crazy world we live in. I looked at your post and thought Ditto on pretty much everything you mentioned. The beach one always gets to me, especially if you are not close to it.
    In the Pacific Northwest I have read to many that say like the outdoors, camping, hiking, fishing, blah blah blah. It’s like reading the same thing over and over.
    I’m glad your back.

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