Gray’s Best Tan Ever

“This is awesome.”

Gray whistled as he walked along the beach. His bare chest glistened with oil, and the long navy blue bathing shorts almost down to his knees. His feet were sockless and covered with black flip flops sloshing beneath him.

The waves splashed at the rockdy beach like a tongue playing with genitals with the Sun in attendance over head.  A few small boats passed off in the distance.

Gray smiled at the blonde walking along the path the other way. “How you doing?”

Her quizzical look returned to him as she pulled her coat around her and pushed white breath from between her thin lips.

As soon as she stopped looking, Gray allowed himself to shiver. Goosebumps made his legs rub together like sandpaper.

“Damn, I look good,” he whispered as he continued walking along the path. “Still gonna kill her.”

one day ago…

Gray smiled at the brunette. “My mom says that I could borrow her car if I want, but she did say I should ask you to help pay for gas if I do that.”

She laughed, “That’s cool.”

“Oh?” Gray felt a shiver of doubt run through him.

“I live with my folks, too. It is so much cheaper.”

The bartender snorted in a failed attempt to stifle a laugh.


Gray shivered again and clamped his arms around himself. A quick shake and he was upright again just in time to give a flirty smile to the redhead in the green parka walking past.  “Hi there,” he said and nodded.

She grinned and almost laughed.  Once she was past him, he did catch a soft laugh coming back at him.

this morning…

Gray sipped his coffee before continuing with his story. “Grace, it was like I was fucking a dead fish.”

Grace, who had been working behind the bar laughed. Her long brunette hair was down and was almost exactly the same shade of brown as her eyes. “You could have pulled the chute. You’re a fucking retard.” Both her hands were cupped around the paper Tim Horton’s coffee cup.  “You didn’t have to sleep with her.”

“I know, but I kept expecting to walk out of the john and find that she’d finally bolted.  It felt like I was past the point of no return.”

Grace shook her head.  “You’re an idiot.  I was surprised she agreed to pay for the hotel.  By the way, what happened with your fat makeup?”

Gray rolled his eyes.  “I was able to keep it on.  My shirt never came off, so she never seemed to notice the pillow.”

Grace giggled and sipped her coffee.

Gray’s mobile phone vibrated on the table in front of him.  Picking it up, his eyes widened.  “Shit, it’s her.”  He hit the ignore button.

“When did you finally get out of there?”

“About three this morning.  Couldn’t slip out from under her arm without waking her.”  Gray shrugged. “Alright, I lost this time. What is it I have to do?”


He saw Grace at the end of the path as she leaned against her green Civic.

The bright sunlight reflecting off the surrounding snowbanks caused him to cup his left hand over eyes.

Grace waved at him with a big smile.

He waved back and affirmed very quietly, “Yup, I’m gonna kill her.”


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