Uncle Chris, Tell Us a Story

This blog was started with a title…first fucking mistake.

Second…I’ve two beers in and just opened a bottle of wine…there will be booze…I’m on vacation O_o

If all goes as planned, this blog entry could be the longest I’ve ever created…no, not in word length…just that I plan on it still being on the screen when I’m ready to take all of you to bed with me.

“There were ten in the bed and the little one said MOVE OVER! MOVER OVER!”

Kinky as that sounds…I suspect this bottle of wine may have me asleep and, though any goddess might be able to take advantage of me…please do…I won’t be of much use by the time it is done.

Mark:  One Hour

What can I say?  16:00 EST…I slipped off, perhaps, an hour early from work and am just enjoying a slight buzz from beer #1 so far.

So far having thoughts of snow filled mountains, and smiling goddesses for warmth…is that a bad thing?  I suppose, with political correctness, it is.  We aren’t supposed to want sex, are we?  That is politically incorrect…we’re not supposed to want the warmth of an orgasm as caused by another being…as caused by a goddess’ touch.  No, we’re supposed to be asexual in public appearance, and very professional about sexuality in the bedroom.  Anything outside of ‘professional’…and I do not use this term in a hooker reference, I might add…is deemed as kinky.

Mind you, would be ironic if I did use it in a hooker reference as some would see that as kinky…oh well kinky is as kinky does…

Mark:  Two Hours

So November was Novel Writer’s Month…a challenge I took up…more than once.  I have great ideas for stories…unfortunately, I have no patience for novels.  I’ve started this fucking challenge three times and, so far with five more days to go in the month, have filed all three attempts under “G” for garbage.  Thinking I will try again and keep going…even my youngest, who was here on the weekend, wants to write something with me.  You know, that might be what I need…a partner to help kick start it…she knows the basics of what I want to write as I did give her and her sister a synopsis as well as played them the song that was inspiring the idea…who knows.

So far…one beer and onto second glass of wine…

Hmmm…shouldn’t drink too too much as I’ll be at the pub for football tomorrow as well.  Also, tomorrow won’t be able to drink much as I have to drive home from the pub.  A bit sad that I don’t have cable nor satellite, but then I just remind myself that it costs about $50/month plus in these parts.

I’ve been on a Sting kick the last few days…I tend to run iTunes on random play but on occasion I will pull all of what I have on one artist onto the playlist.  Yesterday, I did this with Sting…17 hours worth of music just from Sting…we’re not even talking about The Police here.  Currently listening to “History Will Teach Us Nothing”…a tune that suggests the Christian God to be but an actor on Shakespeare’s stage…ironic as based on other tunes I’m convinced Gordon (aka Sting) is quite Christian.  Mind you, ten years between songs, who’s to say his views on the things science has yet to figure out haven’t changed?

Mark:  Three Hours

Maybe I should put the chicken burgers on…hmmm…curious, but how do they make chicken burgers?  Do they breed them with cows?

For the record, I’ve been bad…still at the same drink level I was at two hours…I really am not a heavy drinker, all thing said…plus the dog mocks me if I drink too much, and I just can’t deal with that tonight.

..maybe I should give the Doberman a beer.  That might avoid the mocking.

Mark:  Four Hours

Are you sure?  Did time speed up?  Okay, had another glass of wine…perhaps that’s to blame…debating to watch that traditional Christmas movie I mentioned in my late blog entry yesterday, Die Hard…but still think I’ll leave that until Friday.  On top of all this, I’m debating how sober I will be at all until Monday…let’s see…NFL games tomorrow…Die Hard Friday…UFL Championship game between the Mighty Las Vegas Locomotives and Florida Tuskers on Saturday…and a Grey Cup (Canadian Football League) rematch in the Montreal Alouettes and Saskatchewan Roughriders on Sunday…guess I should fit sex into this schedule somewhere, but need a volunteer first.

Still on this Sting kick, too…”Send your love…into the future…”  Say what you will about Sting, his newer stuff is okay, but his older stuff had a sense of humour attached to it. “There’s no religion but sex and music…”

Maybe I should just post this now before I drink myself into inlegibiility…is that even a word?  Then again, I don’t actually drink that much and one glass of wine or beer per hour will hardly get me there…bah, fuck it no…one more hour than we shall hoist this masterpiece upon unwilling ears…just be thankful it isn’t pornographic as I haven’t mentioned how much I would enjoy a blow job about now…

…then again…is there a bad time for a blow job?  Other than, of course, when one is using a restroom for the intended purpose, of course…

Mark:  Four Hours

Damn…I’ve been really bad…one glass of wine in the last two hours.  A big glass, mind you…bottle is empty…but there still stands a beer bottle, full, that mocks me.  It stands and laughs as I debate whether I should leave it for tomorrow’s football festivities or not…perhaps it is time to move on to an X-Files episode before bed…and though I am just a touch numb  from the drink, one should not be too numb to watch the X-Files for it is much too intelligent of a show to watch drunk…

…although, to paraphrase what one Austin Powers might have said about Dana Scully…she’s dead sexy…and inebriated or not she is still the thinking man’s crumpet.

Truth is, I don’t believe she is alone in being the “thinking man’s crumpet”…I can think of at least a handful of Facebook and Twitter friends…no…not friends…goddesses…that I would refer to as such.  Intellects that go beyond what most mortal men can deal with…in fact, on Twitter, just was told by one that she didn’t believe me…poor soul as she does not see herself as she truly is yet.

Mark:  Five Hours

Worst mistake I’ve made this eve…writing the word “horse” instead of “hours” when dictating how long it has been since starting this blog.

I’m pathetic…I’m not drunk…perhaps I’m too old to get drunk anymore…perhaps I no longer understand the concept of drunk…but is that a bad thing?

I have two daughters to take care of…they need me to keep some semblance of sobriety to help them grow.  At this point in my life, is there any more noble goal?…well, that and another Bronco Super Bowl win would be nice, but not sure I have control over that part in any fashion…

…however, I could use a new Denver Bronco hat and anyone thinking of buying me a gift for Winter Solstice, please keep that in mind.

Sting is now…yes, I know, still Sting…singing about how “these are the soul cages…if a drink leaves me standing, a soul must go free…”  Being I’m not as drunk as I thought I might be, perhaps it is time to unpack some mental baggage and realize I’m not the twit I thought I was.

Perhaps…just perhaps…when I wake in the morning and see my dad in the mirror…that’s a good thing.  He is a good man.  Perhaps…just perhaps…so am I.

And on that note, Hanny the Doberman needs to go out…any volunteers?

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